Monday, September 5, 2011


Why did Nate have to leave a wife and 4 kids and return to our Heavenly Father?
Why did he have to leave his 5 week old new baby girl?
Why did he have to leave 3 little boys who think the world of him?
Why did he have to leave a wife who thought he could do everything and anything?
Why did he leave me to all of our responsibilities?
Why did he leave a place we called our home?
Why did he leave me to tackle all the unknowns that are to come?
Why did he leave me to answer all the heartbreaking questions that are to come my way with his 4 children?
Why did he leave before he was able to see his boys get the priesthood and go off on to missions?
Why did he leave before dancing with his little girl on her wedding day?
Why did he leave me alone in bed every night?

I have only one answer.. It's because it's Gods plan.
I know he will be here in spirit to all of these things I have listed above. I know Nate would not miss out on any of theses important events to come.
The last few weeks have been something I would never wish upon anyone. My worst fear of loosing my husband has happened. I know we have a long road ahead of us, but with courage and strength, I know Nate will lead our family back to him. What a wonderful day that will be to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him again. I know our family is forever.
I have no choice but to Succeed with the 4 special gifts Nate gave to me. I hope I can make him proud. And I just have to keep reminding my self when I am having a hard day that this is god's plan.



Sandy said...

Love you Holly, Parker, Joshua, Ethan & Grace!!!


Your faith is inspirational.

Teri said...

Love you Holly, I couldn't ask for a better sister. Your faith is a example to everyone.

Epps Family said...

You are an amazing woman, wife and mother. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be Holly. Such an inspiration. Please always remember we are all here for you and your beautiful children!

Kelly said...

What a sweet post Holly. I'm so lucky to have you as a sister.

Shera said...

Absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. You are amazing Holly. You have a beautiful eternal family.

Rich Jen and Ben Jones said...

Perfectly beautiful Holly! I can never listen to that song again without crying, but it is a good cry. Remember Holly, that we love you and your family SO VERY MUCH. Whenever you need us, we will be there! I wish I could hug you all today, right now! We will miss Nate so much, and it will be hard for a very long time, but we are all tough enough. We can all do this. If that were not the case, Heavenly Father would not have allowed this trial. LOVE YOU!

Tam said...

Dearest Holly,
In my heart, I believe Nate is and will always be proud of you. When things go wrong--or not as you had quite planned, that is the life we have. I have much to say about how Nate ministered to me and will share soon. Holly, he believed in you because you are who you are! Please know you continue in my heart and prayers. Love ya always. Tam

Sage Hanks said...

My name is Sage and my sister is Sara Egan. I hope you don't mind me reading your blog. I want you to know how much I admire you. You have an undeniable strength. I think about you often and pray for you to find comfort. Know that there are many people praying for you and your little family.
Love Sage Hanks

Carly said...

Just randomly happened upon your blog today and wanted to comment to offer my prayers. I'm so very sorry for your loss and even though I have no idea who you are, will remember you in our family's prayers. God's peace.

Amber Wray said...

Holly I took care of your sweet baby in the NICU. My heart broke when I heard the news. I know I only met you and your husband briefly but I remember your sweet spirits and your sweetness pouring over Grace. I have prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. You are such a strong special daughter of God. I lost my father at a young age but I never lost my husband. I know the heart break of losing a father young though. Squeeze your kiddos for me! Squeeze yourself for me! I love you and I am thinking about you. God will continue to see you through this of this I testify!

A Razak said...

Stumbled upon your blog by chance. Anyway, it is very true that we plan and everybody plans, but the Ultimate Planner is The AlMighty God Himself.